Regardless of what controversies may be occurring within the actual organization Black Lives Matter, the statement “Black Lives Matter” has become a foundational modern day war cry. But as quickly and easily as we state that to non-Black folks, I sometimes wonder what exactly that phrase means to us. Yes, it clearly states the importance of retaining blood in our veins and oxygen in our lungs, but to what extent does the importance of Black life extend to the importance of Black existence within our own communities? I ask this not to brainlessly probe into the tired and played out rhetoric of Black-on-Black crime, but rather to explore a more confounding query:

What does the existence of a Black Transgender boy, girl, woman, or man mean to our community?

Recently, Zaya Wade, Dwayne Wade’s teenage transgender daughter, posed for pictures with her family and her partner, a teenage transgender boy. And, of course, chaos ensued. (On a side note, it’s kind of hilarious to see frowsy Black-and-milds Twitter join with in Church-six-days-a-week Twitter in ideological unity.)

I’m not really interested in deep diving into the flaws of prejudice because, goddammnit, we are fucking grown. Holding prejudice in your heart because of someone else’s existence is fucking stupid and if you don’t know that by now, I’m sorry for your ass. With that being said, I do think it is an opportunity for us as a community to look at how we’re treating our babies, especially raising them in a world where, as Phonte brilliantly states, even getting a teaspoon of compassion is more than double the serving size.

In the Black community, we already know what awaits our children outside of our doors and we prepare them in the best way we possibly can. Some of us will flood the youths with survival tactics that they absolutely should not need at their young age. Some of us will beat our kids because the impending horrors awaiting them are too serious and too imminent for us to explain at length. We fiercely love our children, our nieces, our nephews, our younger siblings, etc. and we will do anything to protect their life out in the world.

Yet, while we’re focused so intently on that, we’ve slightly lost sight of the myriad ways we can fiercely advocate for them within our households. See, the problem is too many Black folks approach raising the younger generation with only two options in mind:

1. Forcing them to bend to our will, or
2. not forcing them to behave or be whom we want them to be, and sitting back and watching them do the “wrong” thing.

And because we believe that option 2 may negatively impact their survival in the world outside of our doors, our ferocity in our house can sometimes be seemingly more overwhelming to the youth than anything outside of the house (Kendrick Lamar speaks on this in the first verse of his song “FEAR” from his 2017 album DAMN). And until recently, we never really knew the full effect that was having on kids. But, now that we have the studies, a scary truth is starting to emerge.

An entire generation of Black youth are breaking.

Suicide once was an issue that Black folks derided “weak” white folks for. I mean, hell, hearing white folks were taking their lives in a country where they were on the beneficial side of the racial caste system was confounding for our elders. Terms like “mental health crisis” and “therapy” were seen as a “for us, by us” WASP created reality that had nothing to do with Black folks. Even as these terms and activities entered the mainstream, Black folks prided ourselves on not needing, or believing in, any of that “bullshit”.

But today, the numbers are telling a different truth.

• Suicide death rate among Black youth is increasing faster than any other racial/ethnic group.
• Black youth under 13 years old are twice as likely to die by suicide compared to their white peers. 
• Self-reported suicide attempts increased by 73% for Black adolescents over the last 25 years. 

Lily Brown, an assistant professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Penn, said “Of all youth who made suicide attempts in 2017, 36% identified as [LGBTQ], compared to 25% about a decade before. So essentially, we’re seeing that people who identify as LGBTQ are reporting increased thoughts about suicide, but they’re also reporting increased suicide attempts.”

We are currently experiencing an epidemic of Black children wanting off this planet by the most violent means, and we’ve yet to truly grapple with how we handle that in our homes today. The price of bullying, denying, denigrating, demeaning and rejecting our kids is not just temporary frustration – it’s quite literally the possibility of death.

So, in fact, the two choices we have in raising the next generation is not between forcing them to be one way or not; it’s actually about showering them with them love and compassion in a world that doesn’t give a fuck about them, or trying so hard to bend them to your will that you break them, leaving them totally unprotected, and subsequently questioning the point and validity of their own existence.

So many of us are quick to chant “Black Lives Matter” but, for many of us, when that Black life has a gender identity or a sexual preference that we don’t agree with, we immediately begin diminishing their Black existence. Everyday Zaya Wade wakes up to grown-ass niggas hellbent on bullying her to death yet, thankfully, she is covered in love by a supportive family. But, what happens to young Black boys and girls who are being bullied, denied love, and hated on inside and outside of their home? An entire generation of Black boys and girls are currently being driven to the highest Black child suicide rate we’ve ever seen and the only reason we haven’t identified as an epidemic requiring an imminent response is because, as a community, we just haven’t collectively moved towards framing all Black existence as invaluable.

I don’t fully understand all of the nuances of the LGBTQIA+ community. I don’t fully understand everything there is in this world that my Black child(ren), goldchildren, nieces, nephews and mentees could do or be in this world. But, there is one thing that I absolutely can control and it’s how much love and protection I shower them with. So the next time you choose to fix your Black-ass Twitter fingers to type some ignorant shit, just remember that it’s not only strangers that are feeling the effects of your thoughts. And understand that having being decimated by you, isn’t just going to something they walk off or get over. It could literally be the difference between life and death.

This Is Your Conscience