On select Fridays, I’ll be posting some “flashback” blogs from the old ThisIsYourConscience.com. This is the first post in our Flashback Friday series.

Beyonce may be the most famous R&B singer in the world, but I challenge you to find an artist more skilled at emotionally connecting her songs to her audience than Mary J. Blige. While Beyonce and other singers have the ability to amaze and entertain you, only Mary can make a grown ass woman ugly cry like Halle at the Oscars while simultaneously bobbing her neck and two-stepping with a glass of ‘Yac in her hand. Because of all the passion and emotion in a Mary J song, she connects with her audience so if you ever see a woman in the club that you really wanna holla at, but don’t know if it’s safe for you to approach, just sit back and watch how she dances when Mary J. Blige comes on in the club. The way she gets down is gonna tell you A LOT about what she has been through.

I think the most important part of Mary J’s success is the fact that she comes off as being 100% AUTHENTIC. It feels like everything she sings about – all the pain, struggle, glory and hardships – is all something she has not only experienced first hand, but also something that she has experienced the extreme of. So when you see a woman in a club, lounge, basement house party, lime, fete or anywhere folk congregate, you will inevitably see a chick losing her damn mind (and her shoes, weave, lacefront, and composure) as soon as she hears something like this:

(Now for the sake of discussion we are gonna keep all the variables equal, such as level of intoxication, demonstrative natures, how much her she likes Mary J., etc.)

So, right now you should be hearing the song playing and you are probably bobbing your head in front of your laptop, work computer, iPhone, iPad, Android, or whatever the hell you’re reading this on. Now envision a woman a in your head, so I can break this down to y’all.

LEVEL 1 HURT

Imagine this woman bobbing her head with a grin doing a two step and snapping her fingers. She LOVES this tune and is having fun. She is happy and as far as she is concerned her and Mary are sharing positive emotions. She’s been hurt before but she got through it and she’s good. Fellas, she is the one you WANT to approach now because she will give you a nice little dance and maybe her number afterwards.

LEVEL 2 HURT

Now, imagine seeing her violently bobbing her head with her eyes closed, and instead of snapping her fingers, she’s clapping her hands hard as hell to the beat like she just took her earrings off and is about to cuff a bitch in the throat. She is not smiling because she is singing EVERY. DAMN. WORD.

Why you ask? Because she remembered every word as part of her post-relationship recovery. She also points at her chest every time Mary sings “I”, “me” or “mine” because as far as she’s concerned Mary wrote this for HER.

Bruh, approach this one with caution, because she definitely been hurt before, but it’s hard to tell if it was years ago or last Tuesday. This is the kind of woman you will wake up beside one night who will be staring into your eyes and say some crazy sh*t like “If you ever cheat on me I will skin your dick like a rabbit in a Chinatown store window” in her Samuel L. Jackson in ‘Pulp Fiction’ voice, followed by “Love you baby! Goodnight!” in the sweetest, cutesy baby-voice.

LEVEL 3 HURT

Now imagine seeing her swirling her head around like she’s doing the dutty-whine and she don’t care if her weave falls out. She is NOT smiling, because she is making the UGLY “THIS IS MY SH*T!” face. She points at her chest during the “I” part, but she also points at random dudes in the club and waves her finger in their face while they stand there like “Bitch, have we met?” Oh. and F*^K a two-step, she is stomping around, bent over at the waist because the emotion of the song got her “going down.” She doesn’t sing the actual chorus, she sings the background words and ad-libs because she played this song 37 times a night just to get over HIS ass (“said I wanna be, said I wanna be, said I wanna be!”). She has CONNECTED completely and she is exorcising her past relationship demons so stay the HELL out her way and let her free up and unburden herself.

Now I’m not saying you should NOT approach her at all – but you may want to wait until the DJ follows this up with D’Angelo’s “Lady” and then holla.

This Is Your Conscience